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I find myself in my car once again waiting for the sluggish line on the international bridge to slowly inch forward, trying to block the unforgiving sun set on cooking my face. This is my life in a nutshell these days. I don’t know how many hours I have wasted, waiting, in never ending lines of vehicles that cough up clouds of smoke.  Fighting off vendors trying to sell me garbage and ignoring the pudgy copper women with extended hands, filthy and trembling, begging for spare change. Rolling up my window as if it’s some kind of force field that cuts me off from the world outside. Yes, this is what my life has become, a sad routine that I’m doomed to repeat day in and day out. And for what? To go put in hours at a job that I despise. A job that I have only accepted because it’s the only place that will hire me with my pending charges. Charges I have been going to court for for over a year now. And yet every time I show up all the legal system can do is reschedule me again, and again, and again. Well, fuck you too.

The line is at a standstill as the agent tears through the vehicle up ahead, determined to find drugs or somebody stashed away in the trunk. I find it amusing how they pretend to do their job so well while the car that actually has the drugs in the next lane is waved on through with a simple, “Welcome to the United States.” I reach for my cigarettes which I have stashed away in my backpack to prevent the assholes from taking them away from me when I finally cross. I light up and take a deep drag. The smoke makes its way into my body pushing out any agitation I had in there before like a cloud of morphine. It’s amazing how cigarettes can do that. I imagine this is what junkies must feel when getting their fix. That brief moment when the world doesn’t seem such a terrible place and you feel like you can actually forge on and fight back. Too bad that moment will soon pass.

The line jerks forward as one more vehicle is let into the promise land up ahead. How much longer is this going to take? I swear I’ve finished a pack of cigarettes already… might as well start on a new one. I switch my weight around trying to relief the pain in my lower back shooting from one nerve to another. Did I forget to mention I also got hurt at my job awhile back? Well, I did. As if I didn’t hate my job enough already. It was about a month ago, when I was the lucky asshole chosen to dispose of the used cooking oil from the deep fryers. Now let me explain this shit in more detail. You see, first of all, I need to clarify just how shitty the equipment at my job is. I imagine that the deep fryers we use are the original deep fryers to hit the market. Three words, ANCIENT AS FUCK! I have dead relatives that are probably younger than these pieces of shit. And it isn’t just the deep fryers, everything there is falling apart, however I will concentrate on the fryers given that they are to blame for my current predicament. So unlike most restaurants that now have the newer deep fryers that filter themselves, we have the pleasure of having to remove the cooking oil manually. What does this mean? It means we set up pots at a tube located at the base of the fryer and open a valve that then lets the dirty gunk in the fryer out. Needless to say, most of the oil ends up on you or on the floor around you and not in the pots. But after you’re done cleaning that shit up you then have the honor of disposing of whatever oil you did manage to catch two floors down.

 So picture me walking through the crowd covered in filth, pushing a cart with a number of grease filled pots. Pretty sad huh? I manage to reach my destination, a station set up outside in the back by the garbage disposal system. So basically now am I not just covered in cooking oil and god knows what else, but also I am now being assaulted by the thousands of flies that have decided to take up residence in this all you can eat trash buffet. I’m not kidding when I tell you this is a scene right out of The Amityville Horror films. Anyways, I begin the process of emptying out the pots into some rust infested tank that emits an odor so foul your eyes literally begin to water. I really need to invest in some goggles I suppose. Black gung with burned fries falls out of the pot in my hands and into the tank. I start with the smaller pots first figuring they will be easier and faster to get out of the way. I finish those leaving the last and biggest pot. Now I’m not sure how familiar you all are with Mexican cuisine. But this pot is similar to ones used to steam tamales. If you’re not sure what I mean just take my word for it that the motherfucker is HUGE! Plus it’s filled to the rim with used oil meaning not only is it a behemoth of a pot but also weighs a ton. Now of course, my employer being backwards in so many ways never considered it a necessity to provide me with a back belt or sending me assistance. So not wanting to look like the fag that I am, I decided what the hell you can do this by yourself. So I lift the damn thing from the cart and instantly feel the muscles in my back tense up followed by an intense pain shooting down my back. My body shriveled up from the pain very much like a closing Venus flytrap as I dropped the pot onto the floor emitting a tsunami of oil.

Whoever’s job it is to monitor the security cameras must have been too busy jacking off in the restroom because no one came to my aid. I sat there on the floor for a good twenty minutes in too much pain to get up. But when I came to the realization that no one was coming I managed to get up and make my way back upstairs, hunched over like an actor trying out for a part as Igor. To make things short, all my employer did was send me to the EMT’s we have at work who in turn said it was probably just a pulled muscle and gave me four ibuprofen tablets to take. “You’ll feel better in about two weeks, now get back to work.” Well, guess what motherfuckers, it’s been more than twice that much and still nothing.

So, as you can clearly tell I am not a happy camper in this particular moment. I have too much on my plate and not enough of an appetite for it. I would love to go on and whine about how sad my life is but I’m pretty sure you have problems of your own to deal with. The only difference is I don’t have to read about yours. Either way, while I was going on about work the line has moved significantly and I’m the next vehicle in line to cross. So I will have to leave you for the time being as my routine of a life has gone back into motion.

Could Have Been

I sat in silence holding a cup of coffee in my hands that grew colder with each passing moment. He sat across from me, a blank expression on his face as he stared out the window watching the rain falling in waves outside. I studied him, wondering what was going on behind those sad green eyes. What was the reason for all of this? Why had he brought me here? I truly doubted it was to watch him lost in thought all night.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

There was a sudden awareness in his eyes as he came back from whatever thoughts plagued him. He turned to me slowly, again those sad green eyes haunted me. “You know I love you, right?”

The words were cold and emotionless, deprived of the flame they held before. I was overcome suddenly with the realization that the night was headed for disaster. “What’s wrong?” I asked again as it was now obvious something was troubling him.

“You know things just aren’t the same anymore.”

“Things change.”

“But not always for the better.”

He took a sip from his coffee and placed the cup back on the table, gently, carefully, contemplating what to say next.

“You know I love you, right?” Again the same question was asked of me making me uneasy.

“Yes. And I love you back as I always have.”

His lips parted as he let out a heavy sigh and his eyes met mine. “That’s why I brought you here tonight, because I love you. Because I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”

“Anymore than you already have? What are you talking about?”

He leaned over pushing our drinks aside and took my hands in his. As always his grip was firm but his hands felt cold and clammy, so unlike him.

“I always feared this would happen.” He stated looking down at the table.

“That what would happen exactly?”

“We’ve grown apart, can’t you see? Things are not the same anymore, WE are not the same anymore.”

I let go of his hands, pulling back away from him. This is why we were here, this was to be our goodbye. I felt my body go numb and I found it harder to control my breathing. I couldn’t believe it, this couldn’t be happening.

“But why” I whispered.

“Who can say? Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be.”

My heart raced as memories of him flooded my mind, my head felt like it was on fire. I recalled the night I had met him, how it all had begun with a simple smile and a friendly “Hello”. I remembered our first kiss, and then our second, and third. I remembered the walks in the park, the long conversations on the phone, the flowers he gave me, the kisses goodnight when he dropped me off at home. What felt like a lifetime of happiness relived in the blink of an eye.

“Then why say that you love me?”

“Because I do, you know you will always have a special place in my heart. But I just can’t be with you anymore.”

“Boy, that must be very special indeed. You love me so much you can’t be with me.” I replied making sure that every word I uttered was saturated in hate and sarcasm.

“You don’t understand…” he started.

“No, I don’t understand” I interrupted, “How can you say you love somebody and then hurt them so easily? Why promise me something you never felt? Why string me along the way you did, only to cut me loose when I need you the most?”

“It’s not like that.” He replied.

“That’s exactly how it is!”

“How can I say this without sounding like a jerk?”

“There isn’t a way, so just say it.” I muttered under my breath.

“I’ve met someone else.”

It was a good thing I was sitting just then as that last statement came as a complete shock to me. Never in a million years did I expect to hear him utter those words and yet he did. I sat there frozen, wondering if my heart was still beating. Seconds felt like hours as I let this information sink in. I felt like the floor had been taken away from beneath my feet. But I knew I had to finish this, no matter how much I felt like curling up and dying at his feet.

“You met someone else…” I echoed his statement. He simply nodded in response. I turned away from him just then, I didn’t want him to see the tears that were forming in my eyes. I wouldn’t let him see how much his confession had wounded me. I wouldn’t give him the pleasure. I hid my pain behind my eyes, eyes that felt dead and empty now. “Then I guess there is nothing more to say.”

I stood up from the table praying that my legs wouldn’t give away under me and made my way towards the exit. I had to get out of there, I couldn’t endure the sight of him another moment. I stepped out into the cold rain not bothering to shield myself against it. The tenebrous sky reflected how I felt inside, no ray of light, no ray of hope. My heart felt shattered and broken.

I’m not sure how long I wondered aimlessly, lost in thought. It must have been for a good while given I was drenched to the bone, not that I cared. I was a mere shell of myself, a zombie walking the streets. My feet seemed to know the way though as I continued on my way in no direction in particular, my clothes sticking to me, my hair dripping down onto my face. 

Then I realized I knew this street, I had made my way to HIS street, a few blocks away from his home. Suddenly, I was filled with a sudden urge to see him, to have my say. I knew if I could just talk with him I could make him see the error of his way. He would realize that he couldn’t be happy with anybody else, that I was the only one for him and that we were meant to be together. Yes, I would run down to his house and demand to speak to him. I would win him back with my declarations of love and my promises of devotion. I wouldn’t go down without a fight.

I broke into a run, my vision blurred by the rain, my feet diving into endless puddles of water and mud. I ignored the pain that was shooting down my rib cage like the bolts of lightning that tore up the night sky. I was determined to reach him. I slowed my pace and came to a stop a few houses away from his. His car was parked in the driveway and I could tell even from where I stood that he was standing on his front porch.

I made my way closer and was about to call out to him when I noticed he wasn’t alone. I focused my eyes and realized he was embracing somebody. I felt my heart sink as I realized that must be the somebody else he met, the somebody else who stole his love away from me. I was too late, he had won.

I turned back around and came back the way I came. There was nothing else I could do, I had lost him. I walked down the street feeling another piece of me shrivel away and die with each step that I took. Never had I felt as alone as I did in that moment. I came to the realization that love is just not meant for me. I knew this must be true because whenever I thought I had finally found love, something always came swooping down to tear it away from my clutch.

I wondered off into the night, broken and wet, thinking “Why must I end up with nothing when he gets to end up with you?”

Black Pebbles

Sitting here trying to pull the words from my mind, words of happiness and better times. Yet all I get are these broken words, dark and cold, like black pebbles discarded on the floor only meant to be stepped on. How can I string these together? How can I share these sad words with the world? With hopes that somebody out there will take them in and nourish them. Remind them of a thing called joy. No, these words are birthed from somebody who is equally broken. No beautiful thing can come of me.

Here again, doomed to relive the same routine day in and day out. Nothing ever changes in this world, everything does as it has always been expected to. We are born and then we die. God I beg for something different, this existence has become tiresome and mundane. How many more cigarettes must I smoke before I am lost in insanity, lost amongst my tattered dreams? Merely a ghost of who I used to be.

I mustn’t forget to paint another smile on my face before I go out. Less people realize just how wounded I really am. Less people realize how I have lost my way. Wandering the streets in search of yesterday, when my heart knew of felicity. Another day another burden. Yet another problem I must bear. How much more must I carry on my chest, how much more must I endure?

Let go, let go. In the end I will fall, like smoke let the winds carry me away. What is the point after all? There is no winning in this game, everybody loses. Lay back and let my tired soul rest as life engulfs me like an angry wave. Let it drown me, there is no need to fight.

Close my eyes and close my mind to that that surrounds me. To the four walls that have always trapped me, never let me live. To the hate I have known my entire life, a poison that is slowly killing me. To those who wear many masks that call themselves my friends. To the acceptance I will never have. To the love I will never know.

All I have are broken words, dark and cold, like black pebbles discarded on the floor only meant to be stepped on.

Hopscotch

Drawing- Emily from Corpse Bride.

Drawing- Ursula from The Little Mermaid

Wanted to see if I could still draw worth a shit. Turns out I'm rusty as fuck. I officially ruined her when I decided to color her.

Fist Full Of Sand

I called his cell phone one more time, with hopes that he would answer. Straight to voicemail yet again. It had been over two hours since he left to go buy some beer, but last time I checked the corner store was not that far away. I knew he was up to something by this point, he wouldn’t have taken my car keys with him if he wasn’t. So I was stranded at home with no way to go look for him, not that I would know where to begin in all honesty. But being stuck here, not being able to do anything was driving me crazy.

Again, I pulled the curtains aside and peered through the window thinking maybe this time I would see headlights pulling into the driveway. No such thing, just some random alley cat relieving itself on the front lawn. I made a mental note to place some water dishes spiked with antifreeze out the next morning. Dinner had gotten cold a long time ago and I decided I best put it away, after all no one would be eating tonight by the looks of it. I didn’t have much of an appetite anyway, not after he pulled his vanishing act on me. I can’t say I was surprised; it wouldn’t be the first time he had pulled this shit on me. Yet the constant repetition didn’t ease the anger, growing in me like some disease spreading into my limbs. He would be sorry for abandoning me here tonight to go out and do god knows what.

I had already called some of his friends and family to make sure he hadn’t gone by to visit. They all said the same thing, they hadn’t heard from him. At least now if he came home telling me he went to visit his mother like he usually did, I could tell him what a bad liar he was. I tried to keep myself occupied by cleaning up a bit but even that didn’t seem to help and I finally ending up settling for watching reruns of Will and Grace trying to kill some time. That is all I had to do after all, wait for him to show up.

Soon enough I heard his truck pulling into its usual resting place in our driveway. I stopped pacing back and forth, from room to room, and went to stand by the front door. I stood there waiting for him to come in, preparing myself for any story he would try to have me believe, for I knew that anything that came out of his mouth would more than likely be a lie.

Finally, I heard the screen door creak as it was pulled open and his keys jangle as he inserted them to unlock the door. The door opened as he stepped in, or rather staggered in I should say. Apparently he had been telling the truth about buying beer as I could tell he was clearly intoxicated with the way he swerved to and fro. Now I just had to get to the bottom of WHERE he had gone to drink his beer. He wasn’t even completely through the doorway when I went off on him.

“Where the hell have you been?!”

He closed the door behind him and stepped past me, ignoring my question only leaving the stench of cheap beer behind. I followed him into the bedroom where he had begun to peel off his clothes. He seemed oblivious to the fact that I was standing there looking at him as he flung his dirty work boots into a corner of the room.

“I’m talking to you, don’t fucken ignore me! Where have you been?”

“Don’t start with me, I was at my moms.”

 He was lying to me, I had already called his mother. What kind of an idiot did he take me for?

“I spoke with your mother earlier liar, you weren’t there.”

He turned to me with a lost expression on his face. I could tell he was thinking of what to say next.

“Why did you take my keys? Where are they?”

“They’re in my truck.”

I stormed out of the bedroom and towards the front door, set on getting my car keys from his truck before he decided to take off with them again. I opened the vehicle quickly turning on the cabin light and searched for my keys. That’s when I noticed the smell, that oh so familiar smell. I stopped what I was doing and stood there processing what my nostrils were telling me. It was one of those occasions where you recognize the odor before you can actually give it a name. Then it hit me, it smelled like sex. You know what I’m talking about, that after sex smell that lingers in the air. Sweat and bodily fluids all mixed up into one unmistakable smell. I peered into the backseat and sure enough what was lying on the floor? A used condom filled with semen, discarded amongst empty beer cans and never given a second thought.

I felt something explode in me, a fury not commonly known to me. That’s why his phone had been off, that’s why he had been gone for over two hours, that’s why he had to lie and say he was at his mother’s! I slammed the truck door behind me and rushed back into the bedroom where he was now lying in the bed.

“You asshole! You forgot to throw out the condom!”

He shot up from the bed with an expression of both worry and guilt on his face. He knew what I was talking about.

“Who was it?!” I spat at him.

“Babe, let me explain.”

“What could you possibly say that would explain this? You know what you did, I caught you.”

He remained silent for a moment, contemplating whether to proceed or not. His silence seemed to go on for what felt like an eternity. I needed answers and I needed them now.

“My brother borrowed my truck for awhile babe. That’s probably where…”

“That’s enough, don’t you dare lie to me again.” I interjected. “Nothing you can say is going to get you out of this. Who was it?”

“Fine, if you’re so set on knowing the truth, yes I fucked around tonight. There, you happy?”

It was my turn to be silent. I couldn’t quite grasp what I had just heard. A pain blossomed in my chest, a broken heart its cause, pieces falling apart like dried petals from a deceased flower.  True, I had thought maybe that was what he had been up to, but something in me was praying I was wrong. And now he just blurted it out with no feeling what so ever, as if he was simply giving me the time or answering some other mundane question.

“Just like that?” I stated.

“Just like that. What can I say, the dick is good.”

I knew what he was doing, placing salt into the wound. But I couldn’t help myself, it hurt more than I expected it to, hearing those words escape his lips, his cheating, lying lips. Just then I couldn’t bare to see him, I wanted to be as far away from him as humanly possible.

“If it’s so fucken good, why don’t you go back with him? See if he puts up with half the shit I do.” I yelled at him as I turned and made my way for the door.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“I’m leaving! I don’t have to put up with this anymore. I’ve been wanting to leave for some time now, thank you for finally giving me an excuse!”

He shot out from the room shoving me aside and stood between me and the front door, “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Get out of my way.”

“You wanted to talk so let’s talk.”

“I have nothing else to say to you.”

I tried pushing him aside but he stood his ground. I was practically foaming at the mouth by this point and I pushed him hard with hopes of removing him from the way yet again. I wasn’t expecting what happened next as he swung at me, his fist making contact with my face. I was stunned for a second, little stars obstructing my view, but when I was able to focus again I saw him rushing at me. Before I had time to react he had pinned me against a wall with both his hands around my neck, squeezing with all his strength. I tried pulling them away to no avail and given our position I couldn’t swing at him. In desperation I clawed at his face and tried digging my fingers into his eyes like I had seen in a movie once.

He loosened his grip and I took advantage, switching my weight over onto my left leg and kneeing him in the groin with my right. He fell back, grabbing his groin. I remember seeing red, I’m not one to look for fights but when you set me off, all hell breaks loose. I jumped on him, making sure to pin his arms underneath me and started swinging at his face. One after another my clenched fists found their target.

He finally managed to shove me off and we both shot up off from the floor. He let another right hook lose at me which I was able to avoid by stepping back. He however was not so quick and again my right fist pounded away at his face. I’m not sure when he got a hold of the lamp from one of the side tables exactly, but he did. And he was not hesitant about flinging it at me. I felt a hot liquid pour down my face and I soon realized it was blood. The motherfucker had cut me. I ran to the other side table and grabbed the other lamp and made sure to repay the favor. Smashing it over his head, he fell back onto the floor laying in pieces of broken ceramic from the shattered lamps. I kicked him a couple of times wanting nothing more than to hurt him, to make him pay for his infidelity, for the blood I was now losing.

Wait, the blood I was now losing. I snapped out of my rage realizing I could quite possibly be seriously hurt. I ran out the front door leaving him on the living room floor and made my way to my car. Fuck, I hadn’t found my keys earlier.  A few of the neighbors were standing outside trying to figure out what was going on and I noticed some were on the phone.

“Great, they’re calling the police” I thought to myself.

I left my car behind and made a run for it on foot. I wanted to get away from there, leave it all behind. I started running down the street. I’m not sure how many blocks I had covered when I finally decided to stop under the cover of some overgrown bushes on the side of the street. Trying to catch my breath, I pulled off my shirt and started wiping away the blood from my face. So much blood. From what I gathered I had a cut or gash somewhere on my head. Great, at least it’s not on my face.

Going to the hospital was out of the question. That would be the first place the cops would go looking for me, if they went looking for me at all. I wasn’t sure how badly I had hurt him after all I did leave him lying on the floor when I left. What if that lamp to the head had killed him? What if indeed the cops were out looking for me now. I felt fear and panic begin to surge through my body as I again took off running.

I had no idea where I was going, I just knew I couldn’t be anywhere close by. I ran for what felt like forever only occasionally stopping to wipe the blood away from my eyes, oh how it stung. By now I could start feeling aches in my body from the blows we had exchanged earlier. I guess with all the adrenaline rushing through my veins at the time I hadn’t realized just how many times he had indeed managed to hit me. It was evident now with how badly I was sore in places.

I ended up at my mother’s front door, I suppose subconsciously I feel the safest with her. Luckily she still kept an extra key hidden on her front porch and I let myself in, careful not to make too much noise less I wake her up and have to explain everything to her. No, not tonight, I just wanted this night to be over with. I’ll worry about it tomorrow. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it as my mother would say.

I made my way into what used to be my room, untouched even though I hadn’t lived with my mom in some years. I sank into my bed suddenly tired beyond believe. Please take me into your arms sweet Morpheus, I wish to rest my tired mind. Everything I knew had been lost this night, never to be the same again. I wrapped myself with the blankets, trying to disappear from the world. Again, I felt liquid running down my face, only this time it was my tears escaping me. And then sweet nothing as I dosed off into a troubled sleep.

Sweetest Perfection

Matthew tossed his jacket onto the couch as he searched blindly for the light switch. The room was revived in bright light as Matthew, his boyfriend Brandon, and Brandon’s brother Paul staggered into the small living room. They were just getting home from a drunken night out in town at the expense of Paul having had a fight with his girlfriend. Matthew went into the kitchen and grabbed some cold beers from the fridge and returned to the living room where Brandon and Paul had already sat down on one of the lumpy couches.  Matthew handed out the beers as he observed just how wired the brothers really looked, pupils enlarged, teeth grinding and cotton mouth at its worst. Matthew wondered if he looked just as bad.

“You guys want another line?” Matthew asked as he pulled out a small baggy from his front pocket.

“You even need to ask bro?” Paul laughed back.

Matthew poured out a generous amount of cocaine onto a mirror he kept on the center table just for this type of occasion. He pulled out a credit card and a dollar bill from his wallet and was quick to make three thick lines of coke and rolled up the dollar bill.

“Ladies first” he giggled as he leaned over the center table and sniffed in the larger of the three lines.

His nose burned as the powder form of happiness made its way into his system. This was some good shit to say the least, the world seemed a better place in an instant as he felt the drug  jump start his entire body. Matthew watched as the brothers took turns taking their lines as he sat back and popped open his beer. The cold liquid felt like heaven against his dry mouth.

It had been like this for some time now, ever since Matthew had moved in his with his boyfriend. It was with him after all that he had picked up the expensive habit that is cocaine. Many nights were lost in that living room. Drowning in alcohol and lines of coke just like this evening.

The silence was broken as Paul’s cell phone started to ring in his pocket. He pulled it out and ignored the call.

“It’s that bitch” he stated, referring to his girlfriend. “I’m in no mood to talk with her right now.”

“You should turn off your phone, that’ll give her something to worry about” Matthew suggested.

“I think I will, make her think I’m out fucking some whore”

“Cheers to that” Matthew stated as he took another long swig of his beer.

“I think we need another line” Brandon interjected.

And so more coke was spilled onto the mirror, and more lines were snorted.

“What are you and your girl fighting about anyways” Matthew asked Paul, wiping away the white residue from his nostrils.

“What aren’t we fighting about. That bitch starts a fight over any little thing. I had to get out of the house.”

“You know we’re here whenever you need us” Brandon added as he got up to turn on the radio.

More beers were brought from the kitchen and again another set of lines were cut. Matthew wasn’t sure if it was the coke taking effect or if the room really was getting warmer. He could feel sweat trickling down his temple. “God damn, it’s hot in here!”

“Tell me about it” Paul agreed. “I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to get a bit more comfortable since I’m going to crash here anyways.” Paul proceeded to pull off his shirt revealing a tight and chiseled body. The gym was obviously doing him good. Matthew felt a tug at his groin as he looked over Paul’s god like body with its perfect pink nipples hiding amongst a bed of dark chest hair.

“I hope you don’t think it’s weird, but whenever I’m this wired, I can’t go to sleep until I jack off. You guys got any porn I can watch?” Paul continued as he started pulling off his pants remaining in just his navy blue boxers.

Matthew was glad at that moment that he had decided not to throw out his straight porn. He went into the bedroom and pulled the shoe box where he kept them out from the closet.

“This is all the straight porn your brother and I have. We have plenty of gay porn however, but I’m assuming this should be fine?”

“Yeah, this will do the trick” Paul answered as he looked over  a DVD box with women swallowing mammoth sized cocks. “Fuck, you know how long it’s been since my girl has sucked my dick?”

“Too long?” I responded.

“Exactly” he laughed. “This coke has got me horny as fuck, I'm going to put this on now, ok?”

Matthew laughed internally, so much like his brother Brandon. He also would watch hours and hours of porn whenever he was high on coke. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

It was funny how it seemed like the most normal of things, the three of them sitting in the living room, doing lines and drinking beer as a blond girl got fucked in the ass on the television set. It was evident this wasn’t the first time the brothers had watched porn together, both of them had their eyes glued to the television set as if in a daze. Paul leaned back and pushed his hand down his shorts, rubbing himself, never taking his eyes of the movie. Matthew was excited knowing there was only a thin layer of clothes between him and Paul’s cock. His mouth watered at the thought of it and his mind ran wild with thoughts of what he’d do with him if given the opportunity. He realized he was hard as his cock throbbed in his jeans, begging to be let out. But remembering his boyfriend was there made him change his mind.

Matthew got up and made his way to the bathroom, trying to push all thoughts of Paul out from his mind. What would Brandon think if he knew what was crossing his mind? It was his brother after all. Just then there was a knock on the bathroom door and Brandon let himself into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“What are you doing in here babe? He inquired.

“Came to take a leak babe. What’s up?”

“I normally wouldn’t even give this a second thought, but Paul was just asking me if I would consider letting you suck him off.”

“What?” Matthew stammered.

“Yeah, he was telling me when you got up to come to the restroom. Says his girl doesn’t give him head and that you look like the type that would give a hell of a blow job.”

“What are you trying to say Brandon?”

“Well, I think it’d be pretty hot watching you and my brother. Besides, don’t think I haven’t seen you drooling over him all night.”

“That’s not true, I haven’t even…”

“It’s alright, I want you to. If you really love me like you say you do, you’ll do this for me this one time.”

Matthew stood there, shocked at what Brandon was asking of him. True, he had been thinking about it himself. But never in a million years did he think it would actually happen. Paul was straight, and his brother, Matthew’s boyfriend, was here!

The two exited the restroom and made their way back into the living room where Paul already had his cock out, viciously tugging on it. Brandon led Matthew over besides Paul and before Matthew had  had a chance to process the entirety of what was happening he found himself on his knees, swallowing Paul’s massive meat. He could taste his salty pre cum as he took in Paul’s musky aroma. Paul grabbed Matthew’s head with both his hands and forced him down shoving every inch of his manhood down Matthew’s throat.

“You like that cock don’t you bitch?” Paul groaned.

Matthew coughed and sputtered and choked as he swallowed him. He was greedy in his desire to contain him and managed to maintain composure enough to catch and drain every drop from him.

Brandon had taken a seat in the opposite coach where he had a perfect view of Matthew and his brother. The bulge in his jeans gave away his excitement. He undid his jeans and let out his throbbing meat, and gently started pulling on it. The head was wet with pre cum and shone in the dark with the light emitted from the television.

“Fuck his tight little ass Paul” he stated as he switched hands now tugging harder than before.

“You want me to fuck you? You want me to fuck you like my brother fucks you bitch?” Paul groaned at Matthew.

Paul pulled himself out of Matthew’s mouth and threw him onto the couch. He was quick to pull Matthew’s pants down exposing his hungry little ass. He pushed his shoulders down and with his other hand lifted Matthew by the waist. He spit into Matthew’s puckered hole and started to shove his index finger roughly into him. Matthew let out a moan, he was beyond pleasure, excited that his boyfriend was watching him do these things with his brother. Matthew felt pressure as Paul started to push the head of his cock against his hungry hole. He started grinding back into Paul, eager to have him inside him.

“No wonder why my brother’s with you, you’re a horny little bitch! You want me to fuck you? Tell me you want this cock in you!”

Matthew started to reply, “Yes Paul,  I want you to…”

He was cut off as Paul shoved his entirety into him, in one swift thrust. Matthew moaned in pain as he felt his insides stretched by Paul’s massive member. Paul put his hand over Matthew’s mouth muffling his cries of ecstasy and with his free hand grabbed him by the shoulder pulling him into himself, each time his cock digging deeper into Matthew. Matthew was now screaming in pleasure, Paul was a beast when it came to sex. He loved the feeling of being used for the sole purpose of getting off. He loved being fucked opposed to being made love to. And that was exactly what this was, he was being fucked like a common whore and loving every second of it.

The sound of flesh hitting flesh filled the room as Paul continued in his frenzied thrusts giving the actors in the adult film a run for their money. Matthew had never felt so filled not even with Brandon. His own member was oozing pre cum as he started to pleasure himself, matching the rhythm of the man pounding away behind him. He could feel it wouldn’t be long before he shot his load with the way that Paul was hitting all the right spots at all the right times.

Brandon was standing beside his brother now, naked, watching everything with a bird’s eye view. Watching his brother’s cock slide in and out of his lover’s hole. Watching as Matthew writhed in pain and pleasure as his brother had his way with him.

“I’m about to come!” Brandon moaned.

Matthew felt Paul pull out of him, leaving a gaping hole wanting more. He heard Brandon and Paul’s moans just before he felt his back splattered in hot liquid. The brothers had orgasmed at the same time, emptying their loads onto Matthews back. It was all Matthew could take, he rose onto his knees tightening his grip on his meat and started to tug like a mad man. Soon waves of hot cum shot out of him soiling the couch he had just been fucked on.

The three of them sank into the couch, exhausted by the acts of passion that had just unfolded moments ago. Matthew sat in between both brothers, catching his breath, still disbelieving what had just happened. But indeed it had, his boyfriend’s brother had been his. He stood up and again made his way to the center table where he cut three more lines.

“Just a little pick-me-up and then it’s time for Round two” he stated while raising the rolled dollar bill to his nostril.